Updated: Jun 10, 2019
No one is responsible for your emotional and spiritual healing. Not the person/people who caused the pain, not your friends, and certainly not your spouse,
We have been taught from childhood to apologize. When children play and do something wrong to another child we force them to apologize, even when they don’t mean it. Hug it out they said.
We were taught to seek out apologies from the person who wronged you or the situation couldn’t be resolved.
How has this impacted us? We are emotion filled adults who never learned how to deal with emotions associated with apologies that never came. We are now adults that think every poor situation will end in an apology or some sort of reconciliation. We feel that we require or are entitled to an apology following every dissatisfactory moment.
That is not the case. Actually it's almost never the case.
As we grew into adulthood we carried the burden of all the apologies we never received—our parents dysfunctional home life, high school bullies, places of employment not appreciating us, first real relationships leading to heartbreaks (romantic and platonic).
We spend our time clinging to the idea of a heartfelt apology for all the wrongs that have been done to us, but the problem is most of them won’t ever come.
This social behavior we learned taught us early that others were responsible for our emotional recovery. That once someone accepts responsibility and apologizes then and only then we can move on, but what wasn’t taught, was if the apology doesn’t come.
Despite what childhood taught us:
NO ONE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR EMOTIONAL HEALING.
An apology can go a long way and can even make you feel better it’s not the job of the person to make you feel better. IT'S YOURS.
It's easy for your friends and/or romantic partner to want to heal you, and while subtle help is okay at times--it's not their job or responsibility.
The way you receive emotional stress is subjective to you specifically and while some being able to admit fault is the considerate and responsible thing to do—sometimes people have no idea the damage they’ve caused to your spirit—because again, it’s subjective. Sometimes they will know and simply won't care. *shrugs*
Waiting around for someone to apologize for hurting you:
stops you from healing.
stops you from evolving.
stops you from moving on.
stops you from being the most efficient level of self.
Sitting around wallowing in the sadness someone has caused you is not only counterproductive but also hindering to you and your emotional journey. The objective is to receive what people do and say with a grain of salt and move on. It may hurt and it will take some time and that’s okay as long as it doesn’t consume you. Because at the end of the day, the opinions and feelings of everyone around you prove very heavy to bear.
The hurt we feel from people is a direct reflection of them, not you. See, we all have baggage to carry, but the objective isn’t to become strong enough to carry it all on our backs, but strong enough to let it go and heal. Because letting it go, with or without an apology is the real test of strength.
with love and support,