Wedding Vows: I DON’T

Updated: Mar 23, 2019


Some may look at break ups as someting bad, but me it is something like hitting the reset button.

You will find that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are heavy.

Seven years in a realtionship is a long time. How many people can remember the last time they did anything for SEVEN YEARS. In seven years you have; started new jobs, gradutated high school or college, you have gotten a fur baby, you have pretty much merged all your friends and interwinded your finances. At seven years the only question that is being asked is, “When are you getting married?”


—And there you have it, the dreadful question…


When are you going to decide to stand before all your friends and family and vow to love and honor this person FOREVER.


A million tiny thoughts are running through your mind. Every little thing they have done, every single fight you have ever had comes to the surface. You look into the mirror and you ask yourself, “Is this the person I want to spend the rest of my life with?”


Well needless to say, my answer was no.


It took me seven years to realize I wasn’t happy. Seven years to realize I wanted more.

Many will ask, “Well— why did it take so long for you to realize?”


Like most of my friends I entered my first relationship around 15. I had no idea what it took to maintain a healthy relationship at this time and honestly didn’t learn it any time soon after. I went with the motions. One relationship after another I called it quits. Dated, got annoyed, broke up. Dated, got annoyed, broke up. And the song goes on. This continued to be the pattern through most of my adult life. I found it extremely difficult to even begin to learn how to maintain a relationship. I needed time to really get to know me and what I truly wanted for myself. I wasn’t ready to take the plunge, so I did what I thought was best, I left.


The older I got the more I began to realize what healthy relationships looked like. I started to learn what it was I needed in a relationship for ME to be happy and that was the moment it hit me…


I WASN’T HAPPY IN MY RELATIONSHIP ANYMORE.


I had become a brand new person that I no longer recognized. I no longer identified with the things I did before. I wasn’t the person I was SEVEN YEARS AGO. As sad as it made me, my life wasn’t what I wanted anymore. Ultimately, I did the unthinkable and I ended my seven year relationship. I moved out, got my own apartment and began to put the pieces back together. I started a new job, I began meditating again and even picked up journaling. I had to really spend time with myself because I felt like I didn’t know who I was anymore.


One Year Later..

I realized what I needed. I found my peace and I’m not looking back. I’ve created a life surrounding the things that my heart and spirit need. My heart is full, my mind is quiet and my spirit is unshaken.

This life is yours and if you end up miserable you have no one to blame but yourself.

There were a lot of tough days, there still are. But, when I look back I made the right choice. I am still on this journey of self discovery and inner peace its a never ending journey really, but I am truly happy and excited to see where my new life takes me.

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